I am a 36 yr. old father of two children a 10 yr. old boy and 7 yr. old girl.
I am employed in a federal law enforcement agency.
I am going to try and be brief and hit the high points. In 1996, I
found out that my ex wife had not paid the mortgage on the house and the house
was up for sheriff's sale in eight days. I also found out that all the
other bills had not been paid as well. I have no idea to this day where
the money
went!
I lost approximately 30k and am still paying today. In 1998, I filed
for divorce and moved out of the house in June 1998. I told my ex wife she
could have the house, the new van and whatever support obligation I had to pay.
AS long as I could see the kids everyday. This was a mistake. She took my
kids and moved 100 miles away. I did not have a visit with my children
overnight, or of any kind until November 26, 1998, Until the support
hearing in October I was paying all my apartment expenses, and for my house as
well as the new van.
At the support hearing she testified that I had worked overtime the entire
time of my employment. I had only worked overtime the year after the
foreclosure and the first 6 months of 1998. She also made it clear that I
would not see the children until a judge ordered her to allow me to see the
kids. Anyway at the support hearing I had not worked overtime for 5 months
and they decided that my payments would be based on my year too date, not my
current wages. I had to pay 1800/mo. support and spousal. I was
taking home 2100/mo. at this time. I also before taking my paycheck home
was paying 300/mo. back to my retirement for the foreclosure.
I finally had the support reduced to 1400/mo. but with a 700/mo. mortgage and
all the marital debt, I had to work overtime just to pay bills.
I November 1998, I was awarded joint legal and physical custody with my
children. With unlimited phone access and visitation during the week with 24 hr.
notice. Well My ex wife violated the order In April 1999, and did not give
me the kids for my weekend. A contempt hearing was held and I was awarded
the kids for two additional weeks and the contempt was held in abeyance. Now
the children had a guardian who as of the writing of this email has yet to sit
down with my kids and ask them how they are doing.
From April 1999 to Feb. 2000, she violated the court order no less than 30
times. She refused to allow me to speak with the kids on the phone,
she refused to allow me to pick the kids up at the appointed time, she would get
the police and come to my house to pick the kids up early, there were no visits
allowed in their city. I attempted to visit the school and was escorted
out after having an appointment because they decided after my ex wife's protests
not to allow me to meet with the teachers. I had called doctors to find
out my kids medical conditions and have been refused information until I provide
a copy of the court order, never mind the fact that it is my insurance. In
Feb. 2000 she also sued me for more support. My divorce was final in Dec.
1999, at which time I got the house,( because it appraised for 22k less than
what I owed), all the marital debt, a 13 year old car, because she allowed the
new van to be repossessed and her spousal
was reduced from 575 to 300 alimony for two years.
On Feb. 22, 2000, I had a contempt hearing for all her violations which were
documented, she was ordered to appear, with the kids. My kids had been
telling me they wanted to speak to the guardian because they wanted to live with
me. My ex wife was living with a man 13 years younger than her and was
giving the kids a hard time. Neither she nor the children appeared.
An obvious contempt of the court order. A hearing was rescheduled for
March 2000.
On Feb. 23, 2000, I had my DRS hearing at which time she claimed she had
child care expenses of 400/mo. She appeared for this hearing. She
had no receipts or proof of payment and the support officer awarded her 300/mo.
day care expenses. I filed an Exception on Feb. 29, 2000.
My contempt hearing in March resulted with he judge ordering family
counseling and admonishing me for not being more cooperative. I contacted
family counseling as ordered only to find out that they had to wait for my ex
wife to contact them. From this date on my ex wife violated the
court again and again, she refused to give me the kids on time, or phone
contact, she also did not give me the kids for a court appointed visit, in Sept.
2000 and Feb. 2001, Her new live in boyfriend, had physically assaulted me in
front of the kids, she made the kids return home early from the
appointed vacation. She has had the police call me to ask if I will give
the kids back early on my weekends. This goes on and on. After the
first failure to give me the kids in Sept. 2000, I contacted the guardian and in
lieu of being more "cooperative"" I asked not for contempt but to
have the counseling, I figured I play the game. I contacted the counselors
and found out that she had called them and told them she would not pay. I
told them I wanted counseling for my kids and I, and they said no, because she
would have to be spoken with and if she wasn't going to pay than no one got
counseling. I would like to point out that the counselors appointed by the
judge, are two county employees of Children and Youth who have a side
business. NICE.
Now with all the trouble of trying to see my kids, the guardian had scheduled
a meeting in Jan.2001, at which time they were going to make me travel 100 miles
for counseling in her town with a counselor of her choice. Well real far
considering the court ordered counseling in my county, that the courts allowed
her to move, and she violated the court order for a third time. Anyway she
did not comply, than again as I mentioned earlier she with held the kids from me
in Feb. 2001, While all this is going on I have to take the kids to
the doctors for being sick, because she refuses, my daughter has had ring worm
for over a year, she comes to my house and smells,
telling me she does not wash her hair, she had a growth in her mouth on the gum
line that was infected and my ex wife was draining it with a sewing
needle.
It turns out it took my ex wife a month to get the child to a dentist, with
my constant harassing and a call to children services at which time it turned
out to be an abscessed tooth which the dentist told me was medical neglect but
refused to get involved. So my ex wife has violated the court order at
least 40-50 times, blatantly on 4 occasions and the judge refuses to do
anything.
As for my support issue. In 1998, before my wage attachment took place
I was called by DRS who informed me that if I did not pay, a warrant could be
issued for my arrest. I informed the DRS employee that I understood my
obligation and there was no need to threaten me, when it was only 9am and I did
not get my direct deposit until after 10am. So after the Feb. 2000, DRS
hearing DRS lost my paperwork and I did not have my masters hearing until Sept.
2000. By this time I had no overtime since June 2000 and learned that my
kids did not go to day care they were home alone. The Sept. 2000, hearing
was followed by a second in November and the Masters ruling came down on January
26, 2001. I was paying 1400/mo. the master ruled retroactive the
following:
Jan. 2000 to May 2000 Support of 900/mo.
June 2000 to Dec. 2000 Support of 740/mo.
Jan. 2001 to present Support of 700/mo.
Any overpayments are to be paid back a 100/mo. Nice right. Well This
was not signed off on by a judge until Feb. 26, 2001. DRS told me that as
of my March check the full amount would be taken out and they would give me my
share in a check. Well I called DRS and they failed to withhold my
amount and paid a full 700 . I also asked DRS with my alimony from 2000
and my arrears being paid up, I am owed no in excess of 5000k, and that I want
my money. They told me that because the master said 100/mo. I would have
to get my ex wife to agree to any other arrangements. Also, because the
amount is three times the award they are going to with hold checks from her, not
give
them to me, but they will hold the money. How can they hold my
money? Where does the interest go? Also it seems that DRS by not
giving me my money for this last check was in violation of the order, is that
not contempt? I am barely getting by, I have a great job, yet it seems the
systems is very unfair and I am paying financially and paying by not being able
to be apart of my kids life. I know that i rambled, and the custody
situation is much more complex, with her not allowing me to have access to the
kids constantly.
I hope to hear back form anyone that has experience the DRS situation that I
am currently involved in with my ex wife owing me 5000k and there seems to be no
way for me to get this money in a timely fashion. Thank you for you time.
I stated that I am employed with a federal law enforcement agency. This
was done to point out that in the past three years I have had the police at my
house on three occasions, and once when I was assaulted by my ex's
boyfriend. Even though each of these incidents were of no consequence to
myself, I still had to report myself to internal affairs. My ex knows
this, I have also been threatened with a PFA, once by her and once in the
presence of a police officer that I summoned to my house, and asked my ex if she
wanted to put a PFA on me. I am caught between a rock and a hard place,
When the boyfriend attacked me It took everything that I had not to defend
myself, rather I called the police and they would not get involved. I find
it ironic that had I been "on duty" I
could have defended myself, but because I was just being a DAD, and because of
my position, I have to play by far stricter rules......This my ex and her
boyfriend know, as my kids guardian told me, they want me to snap, that way I
will lose everything.
