I'm 31 and live in York county I was married 5 years , during which time I
landed a great job making around 70,000 a year despite the fact that I only have
a high school diploma. Well 2 years ago we expand our family to include our
wonderful son. After almost 4 years of both my wife and I commuting to and from Baltimore
the addition of daycare hours and parenting became a bit stressful so I first
offered my wife to find a job in PA but even with a masters degree and teaching
experience she needed more to teach here. We then agreed that I should find a
job in our area. Well as you know 70,000 a year in York with or with out a
college degree isn't happening. So we agreed I would open a business in the same
line of work I was in with the hopes that it would one day get us close to an
above average income. Keep in mind I was earning around 25,000 when we married
and only held the other job about two and a half years.
Well 2 months into the opening of my business my 31 year old wife decides to
sleep with a 21 year old boy in the house across the street. She asks me to
leave and give her time to clear her head , long story short after telling me I
could come home on a 02/20/01 she surprises me by moving out, taking everything
I owned including all my sons items. I should mention I had custody of my son
during our 2 month separation and she had no intentions on taking him when she
left.
She informed me in front of a police officer I took with me to the
house (to avoid any false statements about what was happening) That she would be
back in a few weeks to collect her son and I would have no rights to him, I
would not know his phone number or his address, at this time the officer said
"he has some rights you know" She replied that she had been to a women's
shelter and they told her all the things she could do to me to make life
hell.
This was news to me I had never abused my wife or any woman. We never had the
police to our house in five years. Well on that following Monday I got a lawyer,
filed for divorce and custody. I had to refurnish the house for my son and I
including clothes, toys, crib etc. This was all with no cash she cleaned out
both out bank accounts and took the cash I was giving her while I was away.
The house payment was due along with my car payment and the electric was set
to be turned off. Here's where it gets really bad...... She gets an attorney who
feeds her already out of control anger. She starts with abuse claims (on her)
and files for alimony and child support. I was so dumb I thought I would be
awarded both. When we get to domestic relations they don't care that I now have
my son 50% of the time (this was ordered pending our hearing) or that I have a
brand new business that I opened while we were still together. They don't care
that I have no money and have been financially ruined by this women.
They decided that I quite my job to spite my wife and awarded her 224.00 a
week yes almost 1000.00 a month. I still pay for my sons day care and all his
expenses 50% of the time I am filing bankruptcy and am losing everything. Now I
get letters about contempt charges, jail time, etc. They are making me into a
criminal and don't forget I am fighting to have my son , how can you turn a
parent who is begging for custody into a dead beat dad statistic? I have it on
appeal but it stops nothing in the mean time. My ex tries to use this unfair
tool to get me to drop my request for custody.
Since when does getting out of a marriage give someone the power to possibly
put you in jail if you don't bow to there every whim? Well I'm fighting on
and don't get me wrong I want my son to have his mother in his life but to top
it all off I have his doctor and all his daycare providers willing to come to
court to testify to my unmatched level of commitment that I have for my role as
daddy.
I am now starting my own support group in hopes to make some sense of what is
happing to me. In closing I'll add this one note. I called domestic relations a
few days ago asking for a number I could call for emotional support, I was told
they had none when I asked the women If she had any for women she said
"well yeah we have a few but I don't have any for men". I later found
a fatherhood group at the YWCA and also found that their number is at domestics
and should have
been given to me, I think That says it all.
