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I live in McKean Co., PA. We have a family law master, a woman, who
is very unfair to men, and a judge who is weak and not very sympathetic
to men in divorce or custody issues.
I should have never married "her", but she was pregnant and I was
trapped. She even told me that I would never see my child if I didn't
marry her. I was 25, she, 31. She had a nine year old son from her
first marriage. We married and had two boys of our own. She was always
very dominant, manipulative, and controlling. You didn't want to cross
her.
In 1996, we separated for a time that we both agreed upon. We were
having arguments and fights, even in front of the kids that were very
upsetting, even somewhat physical. I moved out and we ended up being
separated for 15 months! I should have divorced her then. I ended up
having a few affairs during that time. I eventually confessed them to
her, trying to do the right thing as a Christian. Not a pretty
picture! She went hysterical on me for a while.
But we ended up getting together to try again after my father passed
away in 1997. Things were ok... for a couple of weeks! Several months
later I started seeing an old girlfriend on the side off and on. The
wife was just not giving me much love and kept pushing me away with her
constant judging and criticism. I ended that brief affair after only a
month or so, but didn't tell the wife. Several months later, In October
of 1999, my conscience got the best of me, and I talked to my pastor.
He recommended I tell her about the last affair. I finally did tell
her. Of course, she went ballistic!
About a week later, we were discussing it in bed before we went to
sleep. She got angry at something I said and slapped me across the
face. I was still lying down with her hovering over me. So I kicked,
or pushed her with my foot to get her away from me. We swatted at each
other, then I held her down on the bed for a moment. I let her go, and
she got out of the room and to the hallway to call the police. They
came and arrested me because they said she had a bruise on her leg. I
had no money for the $1000 bail, so I spent almost 4 days in McKean Co.
Jail until my aunt bailed me out.
She got a bail order saying that I couldn't go near her, or even the
kids. I didn't really see them for the whole month of November. I
stayed with my sister, then got a room in December. She wanted me to
come back home by this time, and I was thinking about trying again.
It's hard to leave when you have children. But I changed my mind. I
had to get off the roller-coaster.
I filed for divorce in Jan., 1999. That made her mad! She took me
to court for child support and alimony. I was already giving her money
every pay, an amount that we had agreed upon. I was making nearly
50,000 at the time because I worked a lot of overtime at the factory.
She got 1,300 a month for child support for two kids and alimony! She
got the house and part of my pension. I had to pay court costs. I only
ended up with my truck and most, but not all, of my personal
belongings. Also, for what ended up being considered "mutual assault"
I had to pay $600 court costs and do 80 hours of community service and
be on probation for a year. They never even bothered sentencing me
until nearly a year after the incident! By the way, she was never even
charged for slapping me and starting the "fight"!
She said my youngest son was angry at me, so in the custody hearing,
the court officer told me that she was pissed and that I should go along
with whatever she says. I got visits with my oldest son, but my
youngest son should not be compelled to visit me unless he chooses to!
That's the way it was written in the custody/visitation order!
Well, I haven't seen my son in the last 3 plus years! It took me 2
1/2 years just to get the divorce because she wouldn't sign! I paid
alimony for 2 1/2 years as well! I got a new lawyer last year, my third
one, he is trying to help me get visits with my youngest son. We did
the custody evaluation with a psychologist, which cost me money. She
even went so far as to mention to the doctor that I had sexually
molested both of my sons. Earlier she had accused me of molesting my
youngest boy, but now it was both of them! Now a custody trial is
scheduled for Feb. 27 this year. All I am asking for is just to have
regular visits with my son! She has brainwashed him so the he thinks he
doesn't want to see me or have anything to do with me, except to accept
all the gifts and Christmas and birthday presents I so faithfully and
generously have given him. But not one single visit in over three
years! He is now 11. My oldest is 13 and he and I have had regular
visits and have a great time together.
This court system stinks!!! They let the woman get away with
everything, but they put their stinking thumbs right down tight on the
man! They take everything away until you have nothing left. I have
lived in a single room in a boarding house for bachelors for more than 3
years now! And I'm not allowed to have my oldest son for overnight
visits until I have a place with an extra bedroom! Well how am I
supposed to afford that when they took more than half my pay away???
They have not made her do one single thing yet, while I have had to bend
over backwards to abide the law. I have tried to cooperate with her,
and she has done nothing but accuse, harass, blame, judge, even
swearing and calling names in front of my kids. She's uses the word
"slut" for me and for every woman I have dated since we separated. Yet
she still goes to my old church and they pat her on the back as if she's
the victim and I'm the bad outcast!
I have paid my child support faithfully for both my sons and I am
getting ripped off by being able to only see one of them! I hope this
custody trial gets something done, because if it doesn't, then I will be
at the end of my rope and I am going to raise some serious HELL!!! I
have had it! Enough is enough! Yes, I have made some mistakes in my
life, but I don't deserve this! I shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes
for the rest of my life!
Thankfully, I have met a wonderful, beautiful girl I dated long ago
in my single years. We are marrying this May and starting our lives
over again together. I'm hoping that there can be a happy ending to
this.
I'm not out to hurt my Ex in any way. I wish the best for her. I
wish she would just be able to move on with her life and stop giving me
hell. I only wish to be a father to both of my sons and just move on
with my life. That's all! I'm tired of this man hating system!
Whoever thinks this is a man's world is full of bull! It's time for a
lot of serious changes!!!
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