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I was in my final semester of college when my son was born. I was taking a
full time class schedule, as well as working two jobs in preparation for his
arrival. The mother and I never truly established a traditional relationship,
but we were great friends, we love each other deeply, and she knows that I have
her back. She had transferred schools during the pregnancy, to one that was 3
hours away so she could be close to her family. That didn't matter. I was up
there every weekend, and sometimes during the week. I bought a beeper just so
that as soon as she felt the slightest contraction, I could begin my 3 hour
journey. I gave her what I could, when I could. Not only was I becoming a
father, but I was becoming a good father. When my son was born, I was beaming.
As soon as I graduated, I moved up the that area, and managed to get an
overpriced, crappy apartment across the street from the mother and my boy. I
also transferred with the agency that I was working for, to the nearest office
to my new home, which was 45 minutes away from my new place. Who cares, though,
because I was close to my son. I worked hard, and tried to get as many hours as
I could. This was also the time when natural gas prices doubled and tripled, and
not only did I have a 30+ mile commute, but my crappy apartment had oil heat.
Ends weren't meeting and I was well in debt with gas bills, credit card bills
(which I needed to get the baby stuff) and school loans, so I decided that I
would have to move to survive. This was at the beginning of May, 1999. The
position that I had wasn't supposed to start until July 5, 1999, but I knew that
I could find temp work in the larger city that I was moving to. As soon as I
moved, the mother was told that she would be cut from benefits if she didn't
file for child support. She followed their demands, as would any single mother
with a full time class schedule and no job would do. Best friends immediately
became plaintiff and defendant. I was instructed to bring tax information, check
stubs, and receipts for purchases made for my son. I complied. The original date
was scheduled within two weeks after I started my new job. I didn't have any
leave yet, and all ready Domestic Relations was bullying me. Domestic Relations
then rescheduled the hearing for some reason, and it was pushed back far enough
that I had received my first check from my new job. This was the first step in
what could possibly be viewed as legalized extortion. There I was, with my tax
information, 6 months of pay stubs, and about a years worth of receipts, just
waiting for big brother to come in and provide some unbiased mediation. That was
not going to happen. She (aka the unconcerned bitch would love to paint me as a
deadbeat dad--I know you'll edit that out) took one look at my check and
calculated some astronomical figure. I was in shock. I was expecting maybe two
or three hundred dollars a month, but she smacked me with about 400 hundred
dollars a month. I don't have a problem with giving my son all I have, but it
doesn't benefit a family to let a father fall in debt based on a stupid monetary
calculation. Especially when I have proven to be supportive every step of the
way. Right now, my son is paying for his mother to live with him. Anyway, lets
get back to me being smacked in the face with this astronomical amount of
support to pay for a young father with a brand new job and a load of bills. None
of the documentation that I was asked to bring was looked at, and the mother and
I were never given the opportunity to work this out among ourselves. The
unconcerned worker then proceeded to tell me that I owe the Department of Public
Welfare in excess of 1000 for the benefits that the mother received from the
time that she filed. F that. I was being robbed, and I knew. In a couple of days
I received a letter with an incredibly small window of time for me to appeal
this inaccurate judgment. I still sent off my appeal, in spite of having a new
job that I was trying to perform well, and a son with a developmental disability
who was my priority. I called up to the Domestic Relations office, and they said
they didn't receive my appeal. So I sent another one. They said that they didn't
receive that one, and that I was well over the statute of limitations or some
BS. I said f- it and continued to deal with real life priorities like taking my
son to specialists and therapists to improve his life and having a new job to
support my family. The Department of Public Welfare and Domestic Relations
stopped harassing me temporarily, and began taking a portion of my son's money
for themselves. The mother was annoyed by this, but she was still getting
several hundred dollars without working, so she didn't bother to sweat 50 here
and there. Fast forward a year, and it is now a week before my son's birthday. I
have managed to save about 700 dollars, and I was scheduled to get paid at the
end of the week. His second birthday was going to be awesome. I had reserved an
SUV rental to take all my young cousins and little sister (the rowdy kids that
he loves to play with), and I knew just what I was going to get him for a gift
(this 60 dollar train set). Out of no where, I get a letter from my credit
union, not Domestic Relations, saying that my entire savings account has been
seized. With my entire paycheck going to rent, I was penniless, literally. I had
made every payment, because they take it directly from my check. It was crazy. I
made it through one week off of canned meats, ramen noodles, and whatever else I
found in my cupboard. Eventually, though, this responsible young man, and proud
father, was subjected to the emasculating experience of once again calling
mommy. God blessed me with a great mother, and thankfully she made my son's
birthday a success by lending me some money, and loaning me her car. I
immediately called Domestic Relations and asked did they even open our file to
check and see if they should go about with the freeze of my assets. I asked her
if she realized that it was the week of my son's birthday, and if the thought
that I would be buying him gifts ever crossed her mind. She responded that it
wasn't her concern and they don't check children's birthdays before doing
actions like that. The mother called and was a bit less diplomatic than myself,
but she expressed the same discontent. I suppose that the need for a
multimillion dollar state agency to steal my money was greater than my poor
son's second birthday, but who cares, right. I appealed the freeze of my assets,
on the basis that my arrears were calculated incorrectly, but I lost, so now
Christmas is jeopardized. I can complain about the monetary problems all day,
but what isn't seen is the emotional pain brought to me and my family.
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