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Congratulations to you on being a wise enough man to understand you are more
then likely worth more then minimum wage and have the where with-all to believe
in your self and take advantage of all the wonderful ways our country gives it's
citizens an opportunity to be educated, employable, and employed. I am confused,
how did you provide the 150.00 for sneakers instead of heat, and 150.00/week for
childcare while you turned down minimum wage jobs and took classes? Didn't your
kids mind being homeless, hungry, and not having any one available to care for
them, while you educated and employed yourself? Who was kind enough to educate
you and hire you in spite of your lack of ability to pay for shower facilities
and hygiene products? How did you survive long enough without food to get a
"good" job without starving to death? What about my letter to my
children, sent to a domestic relations site gave you the idea I was giving up? I
was actually looking for ways around needing money from a dad who doesn't want
to contribute it, in order to continue doing the dam good job I've been doing
raising my children and keeping them loved, fed, warm and safe while trying to
better my self in order to better their lives. Unfortunately, to do any more
then I'm already doing, I need to be able to afford to provide 150.00 worth of
child care. Be it to work at McDonalds for 200.00 / week, attend collage, or go
fill out job applications and hope someone thinks being job qualified to bake
cookies for the PTA is worth more then minimum wage plus health and child care.
I've read you story, (all the way to the end). Here's mine. Twenty years ago my
husband made a legal and binding agreement that I would be the nurturer, and he
would be the provider. We agreed it was in the best interest of our family as a
whole for him to get the government provided education & job training. My
job was to save us the cost of several hundred dollars a week in child care and
second automobile payments while doing the best job I could managing our joint
finances. I did a wonderful job. He will take an early retirement and live quite
comfortably. I don't know if it makes a difference in your eyes, but I was also
quite faithful. When he wanted out, he felt, that as the wage earner, he was
entitled to everything. The judge didn't agree with him, and gave me essentially
everything, (just because, as it turned out I had pretty much allowed myself to
become the "victim" of just about every form of abuse the man could
think of while living my life being the perfect Mom and wife.) I promptly gave
every thing back to him, and have since then been trying to move on. Government
regulations require that I petition the court for child support in order to take
advantage of programs like title 20 daycare. The cost to my baby's father in
child support would be far less then even 50% of the day care fees, let alone
medical coverage, collage education's, housing and shelter costs, on and on. He
clears about 40,000, has a cheaper place to live then mine, and drives a new SUV.
I am more then happy with my junk, my kids, and the minimum amount of support
required by law to enable to get out the door long enough to thank some
perspective employer for giving me the opportunity to compete for the minimum
wage job a 20 year old collage grad just applied for. I have no problem with my
husband's standard of living, or that he kept everything of benefit to the
future of our family for himself. So what. Shit happens, he changed his mind. I
could have made the same educational and employment choices he did. I had the
same opportunities he did. I prefer a nice family to nice things. Some fathers
don't. Now I'll ask you again, how did you create that time warp you stored your
kids in, so you could be responsibility free enough to have the luxury of being
unemployed and bill-less while educating yourself and being picky about which
job was good enough for you. It sounds as though your parents suggested the army
might be a good opportunity for you. Did you go back home and live with them
until you found a decent job? When in between the army and the decent job did
you find the time to create a family, and where did the family fit into the
picture you painted of how you became a successful man? I thought I was on a
domestic relations subject matter related link. I would have expected to hear
something regarding children and families from any responses I got back. Why
didn't you mention your children their mother, was I accidentally on my
daughters mature teen identity? I'm proud for you for growing up, joining the
army, coming back home, getting an education and going out and getting a good
job. I hope you meet a nice girl who also has an education and a good job. That
way, if you get married and have children you'll be able to afford decent child
care for your children if the 2 of you decide you both want jobs out of the
house and away from the kid's 10 hours a day. And if you end up divorced, either
one of you will be able to provide for the kids without bothering the other
parent for anything. And your kids will already be used to baby-sitters taking
care of them instead of parents. Think of all the nice things the 2 of you will
be able to buy them, as compensation for money being more important then people,
especially children!
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